i
There is a story told of Sadi, that chivalrous and most ideal
of poets, that he loved a girl very dearly. He admired and valued
her more than all else in his life, so that there was nothing
that he would not do for her sake. One day coming to see her
he found her, though he could scarcely believe his eyes, in
the arms of another. But going away quietly he took his stand
at the gateway of her house. When the other man saw Sadi standing
there he thought, 'Surely now, filled with jealousy he is waiting
to kill me.' But Sadi, as he saw him approach, called 'Friend,
be at peace. I am waiting to give you a word of good advice:
that as I have seen and gone away quietly, so do you, if you
should see her in the arms of another. For that is they way
in which the wise love.'
Ghayrat, or chivalry, so often takes the form of jealousy
that the one is usually confounded with the other. This same
male tendency lies at the root of dueling, a custom not foreign
to any part of the world, which down the ages has been the cause
of every kind of conflict and upheaval. The honor of one may
be the honor of another, or of ten, or a hundred others. And
thus a woman's honor may be upheld as that of a king.
Man has always held woman to be most sacred in life, more
precious to him and appealing more to him than all the rest
of life. If she be his mother, he sees her as his source and
creator, his only sustainer and protection. In heartbreak and
disappointment and in the very depths of despair comes the thought
of the mother, who was his first friend before anyone was attracted
to him, and his first guardian and teacher. If she were his
sister he thinks more of her than of himself, for her position
in life is more delicate than his; she is the honor of the family,
and he considers that he shares the responsibility of his parents
for her. None of this goodness is artificial. It is of the very
essence of humanity, springing from the nature of things. To
a father the responsibility of a daughter seems greater than
that of a son. Her dishonor or unhappiness strikes at him most
keenly. And in that closest relationship of life, a word against
a man's wife destroys his happiness and peace. He would accept
any degradation to shield her. And this equally whether he be
attached to a woman worthy of his ideal or to a prostitute,
to one who has lost all sense of self-respect. In each relationship
her honor is his own honor.
This male tendency is seen taking selfish and brutal forms
in the social life of the community. For instance, when the
responsibility that the birth of a daughter places upon the
family has induced such a custom as the killing of female children
at birth, a custom found in many different countries at different
times. Or when as now in Western civilization, even among the
wealthy, parents restrict their families and take means to prevent
the birth of any child, male or female, through dread of responsibility.
Again, the natural dependence of woman is often greatly increased
by man. For so strong is the feeling that a man's responsibilities
in life are greater than hers, since he bears hers as well as
his own, that woman is deprived in order that he may have every
advantage that offers. In order that he may be better fitted
for his fight in the world, her natural disabilities are added
to and increased.
One sees in the West that girls often receive less opportunity
for education than their brothers; that daughters inherit a
lesser portion than sons, that the work of women is paid at
a lower rate than that of men. And in the East this male tendency
is responsible for such customs as the seclusion of women. Thus
everywhere, East or West, even if unexpressed, there exits this
tendency to regard a woman as the honor and care of a man, and
consequently as less dependent upon her own efforts than upon
his.
It is the thought of individual freedom that is attacking
the old ideals, and destroying also this ideal of Ghayrat, or
chivalry, for in spite of the selfish, even brutal forms that
it may take, it is an ideal; and he who follows it possesses
a religion. In the West man accepts greater advantages of life
without accepting corresponding responsibilities. The Hindu
with a less strong thought of individual liberty, still preserves
many ancient ideals; and no student of Hindu life can deny that
these are as sacred to him as his worship of gods and goddesses,
and are part of his Dharma or religion. If the Hindu once calls
a woman sister, or daughter, or mother, he regards her as such
all his life, through the sacred bond of his promise, and he
feels in honor bound to protect and sustain her, though she
may not be related to him in any way.
ii
There is a feminine chivalry, which the poets of Hindustan
call Naz, a beauty that shines out if lighted by the
deference of a man. It is a beauty that lies silent and hidden
till an act of attention, of admiration, or respect on the part
of a man stimulates the vanity in which it is rooted. Under
courtesy and consideration it unfolds to perfection that is
shown in the woman's every action and feeling; in her words
and deeds, smiles and tears, so that every one of them becomes
filled with beauty. The value that a woman attaches to a man's
small acts of courtesy is rarely understood by man, and it seems
to him inexplicable and part of that mystery which he believes
shrouds her from him. But there is no woman, no matter what
type or class, country or nation, in whom there is not this
beauty which the courtesy of man alone discloses.
There is another kind of feminine chivalry, which the poets
call Nayaz. This tendency is seen expressing itself as
the gallant and courageous response that a woman will make to
her admirer; or it may express itself in a gentle, yielding
forbearance towards him. It makes her lenient and forgiving
to a man, modest and gracious. When he has a desire to protect
and to help her, it is a gentle chivalry on her part that makes
her put herself, as it were, into his hands. She gives him that
trust which he wants her to place in him, and accepts his attentions,
just because he so desires her to trust him and to receive his
care or homage. It is her chivalry which constrains her to value
male chivalry and hold it precious.
And there is yet another kind of feminine chivalry; Nakhra,
which is the radiance and beauty that man, recognizes as feminine.
When a woman possesses this quality, nothing can hide it. It
shines out unwavering and undimmed, natural, without self-consciousness.
No effort on a man's part is needed to disclose it. Nor, on
the other hand is it the result of any conscious effort of her
own. In it there is no pointing with a dart, no aiming with
an arrow, towards some target of admiration or reward. It lies
in her simple and unaffected recognition of a certain part of
life as her kingdom, over which she is by right, queen; and
where she reigns with consideration towards those dependent
upon her. That is the very essence of aristocracy and chivalry.
No situation in life can extinguish this natural beauty;
and it may be seen shining in the unconscious movements, in
the unclouded gaiety and sunniness, and in the intelligence
of a maiden who is as yet untouched by any burden of life. It
is a queenliness; a womanliness that irradiates its possessor
at every step of her journey through life; and more than any
other human quality it wins the heart of man.
checked 18-Oct-2005
