Chapter 3  -  Rising Above the Ego

Steps toward overcoming some of the most troublesome aspects of the ego.

Dysfunctions of the Ego

The dysfunctional conditions of the ego all revolve around our reactions to situations, and involve excessive preoccupation with "I", "me" or "mine"... my thoughts... my wants... my opinions... my preferences... my regrets... my anger... my needs. Excessive reactions to situations revolving around "I", "me" or "mine" often creates severe suffering for everyone involved and greatly limits one's ability to enjoy either the beauty of life or the wonders of the Divine Presence.

When a person is absorbed in self, he has no time to build his character; but when he forgets himself, he collects all that is good and beautiful. This is the key to the whole of life, both to worldly success and to spiritual attainment.

Philosophy, Psychology and Mysticism, Hazrat Inayat Khan

Worry and anxiety are two of the most common dysfunctional conditions of the ego. In both such cases, the ego is simply filling the mind with incessant negative chatter. Such chatter can be gradually calmed by simply becoming aware of what the ego is reacting to, accepting the situation, and gently moving one's attention to something more beneficial.

Resisting and struggling are two more very common dysfunctions of the ego. Resistance and struggle are often the result of one's expectations. In these cases, the reaction of the ego is to refuse to accept what is. However, such a stubborn refusal strategy is unlikely to bring success, since nothing can change what has already happened. There is no point in resisting what is. The best that we can do is accept what is and, when the time is right, begin to plant some new seeds which will bring us a better harvest in the future. In every situation, planting seeds of love, harmony and beauty always bring the best harvest.

Fear of losing something is another common dysfunction of the ego, but it is simply a specific example of what happens when the reaction of the ego is to try to resist what is. Nothing in this world stays the same. Everything in this world is continually changing, and everything is continually being transformed from one thing into something else. Yet life never dies. Life is eternal, and life is continually changing from one form to another form. We cannot stop the changes, and when we try to resist the changes of this world, we only create suffering.

Don't grieve.
  Anything you lose
    comes round in another form.

Jalaluddin Rumi, Essential Rumi, tr Coleman Barks

There are many situations in life which we truly need to respond to, but none of the situations will be resolved by reactions of the ego which manifest as worry, anxiety, resistance,  struggle, impatience, anger or undue thoughts about "I", "me" or "mine". All such reactions only create more stress in one's life. When the ego has filled the mind with so much reactive chatter that one can neither enjoy the beauty of life nor sense the Divine Presence, then the ego has run astray, and needs to be corrected.

Imagine a rider sitting on a horse without reins in his hand, letting the horse go free wherever it likes. He risks his life at every moment. The happiness is his who rides on the horse and controls it and has the reins in his hand, and he is the master of his journey.

The Gathas, Hazrat Inayat Khan

In its most useful form, the ego will pay attention to certain situations and then, using calm non-reactive awareness of the present moment and relying upon the strength and guidance of Divine Presence, one can easily tend to the situation at hand in an expedient, patient and appropriate manner, resolving the existing difficulties and planting seeds for success in the future.

Old Baggage

Many of the most persistent and troublesome dysfunctions of the ego can be traced to baggage from the past, a cluttered collection of old memories which have accumulated in the form of mental baggage. Virtually all of us are dragging around a burdensome collection of heavy, old, outdated baggage which is an impediment to truly enjoying the present moment.

And, as if the burden of dragging this heavy old stuff around is not harmful enough, the pesky ego loves to react to situations by dragging out bits and pieces of that old baggage, snippets from the past, which it then replays over and over and over again, sabotaging all sorts of new opportunities.

There is nothing inherently wrong with memories, even bad memories. The problems only arise due to our ego's reaction to the old memories, and the ensuing drama which it then creates.

Most personal dilemmas occur due to the burden of dragging around our own heavy old collection of baggage, and the ego's wearisome process of  comparing every present opportunity with some old worn-out memories of what happened in the past. Such behavior is simply a reaction of the ego, and one can learn to substitute some new, more positive reaction.

Similarly, most interpersonal conflicts are really just what happens when one person's old baggage conflicts or clashes with another person's old baggage. Those conflicts can also be avoided by learning to substitute some new behavior in place of the ego's old reaction.

Sometimes we find ourselves confronted by a vague inner need to change the course of our life, and we begin to clean out our closets, or perhaps even remodel our house, when in fact what needs to be cleaned out and remodeled is the ego's old collection of rubbish. And, just as we tend to cling to our old accumulated things around the house, so too do we tend to cling to our heavy burden of mental baggage. The old junk is just weighting us down, we're drowning, and yet we refuse to let go of that heavy pile of junk which is the cause of the problem!

A pivotal point in life, an opportunity for transformation, a moment of awakening, arises when one finally begins to see that the disruptive reactions of the ego, creating new dramas based on old rubbish, is choking off the flow of Divine Presence which one truly needs for happiness and success. At that point, one can begin to release the old unhealthy habitual mental reactions, and replace those old reactions with new reactions which help to open the heart to the wondrous flow of Divine Presence in the present moment.

The Sub-Conscious Mind

Habits arise automatically from the sub-conscious mind, which has been programmed by all that one has thought, heard or done. In order to change our habits, we must reprogram the sub-conscious mind to create new habits.

The sub-conscious mind is extraordinarily powerful, and can affect virtually every organ in the body, from glands to muscles. However, the sub-conscious mind is not at all concerned about what we might call reality. That is, the sub-conscious mind does not make any attempt to distinguish fact from fiction, it simply responds according to its programming.

Whenever we dwell upon troublesome thoughts such as fear of something, failure to accomplish something, or even the lack of something, we are in fact programming the sub-conscious mind to deliver those same dreadful results into our life.

Habits

Much of the ego's destructive behavior becomes embedded in sub-conscious habitual reactions and patterns which are scarcely even noticeable in the conscious mind. But when one begins to watch all of life with great awareness, such reactive patterns become obvious, and can then be brought out into the light of consciousness for examination and correction.

The greater part of most people's thinking is involuntary, automatic, and repetitive. It is no more than a kind of mental static and fulfils no real purpose. Strictly speaking, you don't think: Thinking happens to you... The voice in the head has a life of it's own. Most people are at the mercy of that voice; they are possessed by thought, by the mind. And since the mind is conditioned by the past, you are then forced to reenact the past again and again.

A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle

In general, habits are not often broken by denying them, but rather habits are best replaced by new habits which are in harmony with one's highest ideals, and are in harmony with Divine Presence. New habits which involve beneficent attributes such as generosity, compassion, harmony, beauty and loving-kindness will always prove to be the best choice.

Benefits of a Strong Ego

A strong ego is only a problem when it is producing non-productive thoughts and managing life in a dysfunctional manner. That same strong ego, when properly directed toward bringing love, harmony and beauty into the world, is a precious gift and a wondrous blessing.

There are many great teachers who have, early in life, suffered from their destructive egos, and yet when they eventually discovered how to use that same powerful ego to bring love, harmony and beauty into the world, they rose quickly into the ranks of the highly respected and widely admired.

In fact, when the ego becomes directed toward of life of love, harmony and beauty, those who have the strongest egos may find it very easy to rise into the highest of spiritual states, thanks to that strong ego's ability to enjoy bringing love, harmony and beauty into every situation.

Taking Charge of the Ego

In order to reclaim one's true potential in life, and tame the out of control ego, it is necessary to first become consciously aware of what the ego is doing and be able to say "Ahh, I see what that pesky ego is doing!". Then, when the ego, and the ego's reactive drama, is simply seen for the clutter and chatter that it is, and is no longer identified as "I" or "me" or "mine", then one can begin to slowly and methodically take charge of the situation and deal with each situation as it arises, without undue reaction, drama or concern. When the mind is preoccupied with "I", "me" or "mine", life can be very difficult. However, with calm mindful awareness of the present moment, life is easy and satisfying.

When the ego has become overgrown and dominates the mind, it is all too easy to think of the ego as "me", and one is then led to believe that the worries of the ego are "my worries", the anxieties of the ego are "my anxieties". But that's not true. Those thoughts are not "you", they are merely the chatter of your housekeeper. The ego is merely a tool to help maintain the body. Take charge of the ego, tear down the walls and veils that make life difficult. Accept what is, look for opportunities, and move on.

 
You do not have to struggle to reach God,
but you do have to struggle to tear away
the self-created veil that hides him from you.

Paramahansa Yogananda

The truth is that you are an instrument of the Divine Presence, through which the Divine Presence wishes to flow into the world, bringing blessings, comfort and peace to all. Day by day, consciously strive to bring loving-kindness, patience, compassion and peaceful calm into every situation.

Patience

Impatience is always a sign that one is not accepting the present moment and that one is not in harmony with Divine Presence. Whenever impatience arises, take a few deep breaths, call upon Divine Presence, accept what is, and allow the loving-kindness of patience to emerge.

Putting the Ego in It's Proper Place

In order to allow the Divine Presence to flow through one's own daily life, the ego (the little self) must be lovingly put in its proper place as a servant, not as the master. That is, the ego makes an excellent and worthwhile servant, but it is a terrible master. Excessive focus upon  oneself is the cause great suffering.

The point is not to deny our ego, but to extricate ourselves from our exclusive preoccupation with it.

One-Liners, by Ram Dass

In order to begin to get the ego under control, it is necessary, first of all, to realize that you actually do have an ego, and secondly to realize that your ego currently has some degree of dysfunction (unless of course you're already perfect). Dysfunctions of the ego restrict our ability to stay in the present moment, which in turn restricts our ability to embody the Divine Presence. And, without the Divine Presence in our life, all of life is empty and frustrating.

Initially, it may take hours or days before one realizes that the ego has been the cause of a problem. But regardless of when the realization occurs, give thanks for the gift of seeing what the ego has done, look at the matter with calm loving awareness (and perhaps even a sense of humor) noting how troublesome and inappropriate the ego can be, and realize that it is merely the ego (not "I", not "me") which is acting up. Then, with lovingly calm self-assurance, free of attachment to the clutter and confusion of the ego, simply resolve to become aware of, rectify, and let go of such undesirable ego activity more quickly each time it occurs.

To change your life,
     change your attitude.

Daily Contemplations, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

The ego cannot continue to dominate one's life after the dysfunction of the ego becomes apparent and is watched without reaction, and with perhaps even a sense amusement (somewhat like a parent watching a small child play make-believe games). The key is the watching without reaction.

When you catch the ego beginning to habitually chatter or create undue reactive drama, just watch and listen, without judgment and without reaction. Simply examine the situation in the clear light of the present moment, accepting it all without including any of the clutter or drama, and then move on, as described in these three easy steps:

1) Calm the mind. Use techniques such as calm deep breathing and/or visualization of something peaceful or beautiful. (When the mind is in extreme turmoil, it may be useful to have a non-reactive friend, or a pre-recorded program, available to assist in the calming process.)

2) Accept what is. Look with calm living-kindness at exactly what is actually happening, accepting the present moment with no immediate reaction, no additional drama, no "poor me" story.

3) Move on. Choose what seems to be an appropriate course of action to deal with what is, a course of action which will serve to plant new seeds for the future. The best results will always be obtained when the course of action is in harmony with the love, harmony and beauty of Divine Presence.

We must allow the ego, the little self, to help to protect and maintain our human body, but we must rise above any excessive preoccupation with its dysfunctional rambling, and allow the wondrous Divine Presence to be our guide.

Calm Awareness of the Present Moment

The key to overcoming the annoyances and distractions of the ego is awareness, or mindfulness, which is the art of staying in the present moment. We need to live each moment with lovingly calm awareness of what is really happening in the present moment, otherwise the ego can all too easily run astray.

With calm awareness of one's thoughts, and calm awareness of one's current emotional state, one can shine the light of Divine Presence onto the ego, putting an end to all of what appeared to be darkness, confusion and despair.

O, friend! Nobody veils you, but yourself.
In your path there is no thorn or weed, but yourself.
You asked: shall I reach the Beloved or not?
Between you and the Beloved there is nobody, but yourself.

Awhadoddin Kermani

 

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with love,
    wahiduddin

Sep 24, 2008